Index

16  Extracted from Asses in Clover, by Eimar O’Duffy; Book III Chapter IX:

The sun was shining brightly

Upon the fields below:

He did his very best to make

The corn and fruit to grow;

And that was wrong because it brings

The prices down, you know.

 

The corn was ripening in the fields

The fruit upon the tree;

The shops were full, and laden ships

Were sailing on the sea:

All things had a fictitious look

Of fair prosperity;

And that was wrong because the world

Was ruined utterly.

 

The Banker and the Economist

Were walking hand in hand.

They wept like anything to see

Such plenty in the land.

"If this were only stopped" they said

"The prospect would be grand!"

 

"If seven pests or seven plagues

Were loosened every year,

I think" said the Economist

"That things would then be dear."

"I wonder" said the Banker,

And wiped away a tear.

 

"Consumer come and walk with us"

They both did make request.

"The time has come to tell you what

For you we think is best."

"0 thank you" the consumer said

With lively interest.

 

"And first" said the Economist

"It’s needful to explain

The economic laws which prove

That trade must wax and wane,

And why abundance is a curse,

-And scarcity a gain."

"But not to me" the man replied,

Turning a little white.

"Such dismal scientific stuff

Would stupefy me quite.

I’ll take it all on trust because

I know you must be right."

 

Two winking eyes behind the back

Of that consumer met,

As if to say, "This blessed boob

Has asked for what he’ll get."

"Old chap" said the Economist,

"Your trust you won’t regret."

 

"This gross abundance that you see

Before your hungry eyes

Has mined all the primary

Producing industries:

And so, to set things right again,

We must economise."

 

"And first we’ll make a cut in costs

By cutting down your screw,

And next we’ll cut production down

Till prices rise anew.

Then, though you’ll have less goods to buy,

More work you’ll have to do."

 

"Right oh!" the good consumer said

(A sturdy Briton he),

And smiling bravely yielded up

His share of L.s.d.

By such contraction wages show

Their elasticity.

 

"It seems a shame" the Banker said.

"To play him such a prank."

With sobs and tears he cancelled out

A credit at the bank:

And that was right, unless you are

A monetary crank.

 

"Consumer" said that pleasant pair,

We’ve had a useful day.

Shall we be trotting home again?"

But nothing did he say:

And that was right enough because

He’d faded quite away.

 

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